Friday, August 19, 2011

He is expecting a breeder from the Gulf

The cats are very pleased to see me and whenever I use the computer – which is often – Sissi lies next to the keyboard and her tail sweeps across it like a windscreen wiper. This is not helpful and I often have to hold it with one hand while I type. She is impossible to move as she is now the size of a Mountain Lion.

In my frequent crashes on top of the bed Monika is always with me and sleeps on top of me – regardless of what position I adopt. Her favourite is when I lie on my back – in which case she lies across the top of me with her feet draped over one side of my chest and her head draped over the other. It is still possible for me to breathe – just – but I am pinned in that position until she decides to move.

In the absence of Mrs. Moneypenny – Java did not do a very good job and the Katzengrass was very dead – the rubbish bin had not been emptied properly – there was not enough water in the cats bowl and there were almost no crunchies for Monika.

Clearly he will have to go back to Mrs. Moneypenny for Remedial Cat Minding 101. 

On the way home I lost my Australian Handy (Mobile Phone/Cell Phone). Now I know what you are thinking – that doesn’t matter – he only needs it for Australia – well you would be wrong – it has actually turned into one of those Goat Things.

Let me start from the beginning.

In Austria they have this peculiar system that at the end of each month credit card companies charge your bank account with the outstanding balance of your credit card. 

The card we use is the same card Cate uses for her business expenses so it gets a solid workout and when we were travelling in Australia an expense was declined so I checked the credit card and found that it was over the limit.

I then transferred a large amount from the bank account to the credit card – without checking when the automatic credit card debit was due.

Well you know what happed don’t you? Both colossal debits went through almost simultaneously – putting the credit card into a large credit – and putting the bank account into debit.

Are you still with me?

OK. So the only way I can fix this is to transfer some funds from Australia to Austria. Now here’s the rub. To do this I need a code. To get a code I need my Australian phone. Ta Da!

I know that I lost it in the Emirates lounge in Sydney or on the Emirates flight between Sydney and Dubai. So I know that I am never going to see it again.

So I had to do two things.

Firstly – there is no point in me contacting Emirates because they have my name on their black list – and possibly pictures of me on the walls in customer service centres - so I ask Rozalin to do this because she has some clout as Cate’s PA.

Secondly – knowing that the phone is gone forever – I rang 3 Vodaphone in Sydney to see what they could do. As it turns out – rather a lot. Jason can give me a new phone – with the same number – on the same plan – at no cost – and send it to my son Lenny in Sydney within 3 days. I should tell you that the plan is $10 per month – I am not actually a high roller.

As soon as Lenny gets it he will DHL it to me and I will be able to get some money and keep a number of people happy.

Miraculously, Rozalin got a response from Emirates asking for details of the phone. They wanted to know the make, model, number and three numbers in the directory. Like they get so many lost phones with the same number that they need to compare numbers in the directory.

The next day they said that no phone had been handed in. No surprises there.

I rang the number of course. Mohamed said that he had two fine beasts for 5,200 Dirhams each but he was expecting a breeder from the Gulf next week – with exceptional teeth - that he could let me have for 7,000 Dirham.


  1. he he - although at least it only took one phone call to the Emirates. I forgot a camera by accident on a flight from Thailand on a United flight and I had to call Houston, Rio, Mexico City and Toronto since that's where the plane had been in the two days since I realized I left it. All of them were equally unhelpful. Unsurprisingly, no camera.

  2. Would it be alright if I came up with my own lost phone story? Or about the time I left my phone in my handbag on tram #2?

  3. I recently found a phone in the restroom at Starbucks. I called some of its numbers and found out it was the manager of that Starbucks. But now I like your final paragraph of this story and I will have to write it down so that I can recite what Mohammed said the next time I want to make a prank phone call. I guessed he was trading camels and hopefully not people.

  4. I work in a police station and we get a lot of phones handed in although not as many as are reported lost (those pesky iphones must be #1 lost/stolen item in the world). Inevitably, the service provider is unhelpful if the battery is flat or the phone locked and we can't call any of the numbers in the phone. I'm reminded of the joke where a smart bloke has his phone imbedded in his hand. Won't tell you where he kept his fax machine!

  5. I have never lost a phone, or binoculars, or camera but I did forget a gas bottle once whist travelling in the outback. cold baked beans straight from the tin did not have the same feel as a cooked steak ( or even warm baked beans for that matter)

  6. just been catching up on your latest adventures in oz & on emirates planes. i'm glad during your trip you discovered jamesons... its great stuff! (i personally much prefer irish whiskey to scotch). have you tried bushmills? it GOOD.

  7. Oh, Badger....why do you have to be so damn funny? I shouldn't be laughing this hard at your misfortune.

    Also, naps with cats can be quite calming (I currently have two of my own mountain lions cutting off circulation to my feet).

  8. TNDW: Yeh I guess you could kiss goodbye to a camera!

    Merisi: That is a good story!

    esbboston: Definitely camels - but he has a sideline in Goats

    Sandy: I have an app for 'where is my iPhone' on my iMac so I can find it if i lose it - but this was not an iPhone.

    Simon: Well - you certainly can't lose a gas bottle on a plane

    ANGIV: I shall try it VERY soon

    smedette: They aye VERY relaxing creatures. I am glad I make you laugh.

  9. One time I was dreaming I as being strangled. When I awoke I discovered that my striped cat Stan was draped across my next. He also likes to try to dig a "cave" in the blankets, and butts his head repeatedly in my side. Hence the dream about a big-bellied policeman butting me with his belly. Don't ask me why my subconscious came up with that one.

  10. All our cats expect these two have burrowed under the Doonas. These two are happy to stay on top. We are not complaining about that.