Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Cats are rubbish at painting

MAK Wien

The Australian Open Tennis Thingy is on at the moment and has been for some time. I don’t know how long these things last but I do know that on every single day of the year there is tennis on TV. I have never understood why – except that people obviously watch it - and I don’t understand that either.

To me there is nothing more boring in the entire world than watching tennis on TV. Apparently far fewer people this year are watching the tennis in Australia. That I understand. It’s not as though there is nothing to do out there when the sun is shining. Perhaps they are finally coming to their senses.

But – worse than watching tennis being played – is watching the tennis players being interviewed after the game. Why do they do this? What could the tennis player possible say that could be useful. It is like watching rock singers being interviewed – pointless.

Get hold of a video of Angus Young from AC/DC being interviewed and you will understand what I mean. I love Angus and he is a fabulous guitarist but many years of excruciatingly loud music, wearing a school uniform on stage and inhaling and ingesting poisonous substances has reduced his brain cell count to single digits and it is pointless asking him any questions at all - other than would you like to go to the bathroom.

But he is more interesting than the average tennis player. The trouble is that when they are asked ‘what did you think of your game?’ they don’t say ‘I’m better – I won – he lost’ they go on and on about how fabulous the other person’s game was and how they had to use every facet of their game to best their fierce opponent and how they finally scaled this Everest and won the toughest game of their life despite overwhelming odds.

Unless of course they have just played Lleyton Hewitt in which case saying stuff like that would make the reporters laugh out loud. Poor Lleyton – he is built up before every event as being in top form to play the tournament of his life and they talk about his chances of regaining his Number 1 spot and then he either gets knocked out in the first round by an unseeded Yugoslavian – or – worse – progresses to the stage where he meets the Fed Express and gets creamed so badly they have to remove his body from the court on a stretcher whilst applying the paddles to resuscitate him. Clear - Bam!

But what I really wanted to say today was that I have developed an unhealthy dislike of a number of actors. I just don’t know why I have done this – it has crept up on me over a period of time. But I now cannot watch anything which contains Meryl Streep, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sally Field, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell – and – I regret to say – many, many others.

This most probably is a sign that I am progressing towards becoming a complete curmudgeon – or could be due to the fact that these actors have perpetrated upon the movie viewing public some of the worst, most horrendous, poisonous, gruesome, ghastly schlock that it has ever been my misfortune to witness.

I hope I have not been too harsh and none of those actors reading this should take it personally - I know they and the writers, directors etc. do their best – it’s just me.

(Rant ends)

On a much happier note we had lost of nice snow on Tuesday morning but it was quite mild outside.

I have painted the wall where Sissi splattered wax and it is almost as good as new. If you think that a small and very active cat can help you paint – think again. Cats are rubbish at painting. What they are good at is dipping their paws in paint and then making white footprints on the floor.

I also patched up the damage I did to the wall when I hung two Jugendstil tiles. I really didn’t think they would fall off (and break) – but one did. It was the triumph of hope over experience.

But - the other one hung on like a limpet and I had to prise it off with a screwdriver. This caused a few problems which I had to rectify with sandpaper and paint. Cats are also no good at helping you clean up broken tiles.

Cate is staying in Fawlty Towers in Tel Aviv and is having a few problems getting anything done. However, she does have nice view of the sea and is quite comfortable.

And I should mention that my team - the Peoria Ponies - is in the Super Bowl. I have retrieved my T-Shirt and cap from the cupboard ready for this great occasion. My prediction is that the Colts will crush - CRUSH! New Orleans. Peyton Manning is the Man!


  1. Happy belated Australia day...

    I liked your rants today. I enjoy watching Wimbledon from the semis onwards, but that's enough of a tennis fix to last me all year. 2003-2007 got a little predictable for me, for obvious reasons... But the last two finals have been cracking - Roddick really making Federer work for it last year was a great nail biter. As for the banal interview at the end - I couldn't agree more.

    Your dislike for actors like Adam Sandler is far from unhealthy. I don't see why we should worship the lowest common denominator just because educationally subnormal Americans do. My bugbear is actors who don't act at all but just play themselves, especially when their personality is one-dimensional - like Jennifer Aniston and Hugh Grant. I've not given up yet on Meryl Streep, but recent crimes against nature make it difficult, like Mamma Mia - which after becoming the biggest British film of all time demonstrates the breadth of our educationally subnormal population... But I should stop there. Mile-wide and inch-deep Hollywood isn't a great rant topic for me. Unrestrained capitalism/globalism and cultural homogeneity go hand in hand, and when the dominant force in that toxic mix is America, forcing its crap on the rest of the world (not that we resist) and suffocating other cultures, it's only depressing to dwell on where that leaves us.

  2. Nice rant Parsifal! Mamma Mia sent me over the edge with Mery Streep - and everyone else who was in it. They are all on my banned list - including the Best Boy and Gaffer. The most gruesome load of unwatchable schlock that has polluted screens for many a long year.

  3. watching meryl in john patrick shanley's 'doubt' might make you give her another chance. she is quite brilliant. she is also brilliant in 'julie and julia' although it is a dog of a movie.

  4. I think everybody finds sports interviews excruciating, football, Formula 1, snooker, you name it. I suppose the sponsers insist as it gets some exposure for their logos.