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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Air Conditioning is Kaputt!


Cate and Gwenyth went bicycling around the Ring today and left the house looking like Yetis. It is so cold Cate is thinking of investing in a pair of ear muffs. You know it is cold when Cate worries more about the cold than what she will look like.

This is a girl who wouldn’t wear gloves to work some days because they did not go with her shoes, or nose ring - or something.

I think the average Austrian woman worries more about keeping warm than looking elegant and I like this sense of practicality. But being who I am I really don’t care much about what I look like in winter.

Fortunately Cate keeps me from committing really atrocious fashion faux pas but I can still usually manage to look like a hobo no matter where I go. Cate hates it when I wear my Siberian Elk Hunters hat but I would rather have warm ears than look good.

We have had the fire roaring away every night since Christmas Eve and do feel a bit guilty about this – but we don’t have any other heating in the living area so don’t have much choice. It won’t be long before I have to visit Hornbach for another load of wood – which will be more difficult now because we no longer have a station wagon – or an estate as they are called these days.

Cate has been driving Bill Benz everywhere we go so that she gets accustomed to it. She is very worried about scratching it so drives very slowly and very carefully. Any slower and there would be a man walking in front of us carrying a red flag.

She doesn’t want to be the first one to scratch it so I have the task of getting it in and out of the garage. Of course as soon as I do scratch it she will be off the hook. She will call me a clumsy clot and then drive like a lunatic again.

No matter what we do Muffin can usually manage to find a sock at about 4:00 AM which she then drags about the bedroom yowling. Neither of us ever has the strength to get out of bed to stop this atrocity so we bury our heads and wait for her to collapse from exhaustion. This can sometimes take a while. She has always done this and it doesn't get any easier.

After much diligence Muffin has finally loosened a couple of threads in the rug and has been triumphantly pulling at these for the last few days. She is confident that she will be able to burrow through the rug to bare floor boards by Easter but I may trick her by putting another rug underneath – or even a steel plate.

I asked Rozalin for instructions about the tree and she says we can take it down any time we like. Apparently there are places out there where you can take trees but I simply cannot imagine how we could get a very large dead tree in full flight down the stairs without making such a colossal mess that Frau Schlumberger would throw a total wobbly.

I also don’t like the idea that a tree that has given us such faithful service over Christmas will just get dumped in a big pile along with many other trees and be left to go mouldy. I think we will end up giving it a Viking funeral by cutting it up and putting it in the fire.

We are still not sure about New Years Eve and were planning on going into the city but have been advised by many people not to do this because of the crowds and the boisterous behavior of revelers.

We will certainly visit CafĂ© Malipop which is a tiny little bar in Ungargasse. It opens from 1900 to 0200 and the woman who runs it plays vinyl records – loudly. I walk past it most days but we went there for the first time a few nights ago and had a Schnapps.

Well I thought Schnapps was Austrian firewater but it turns out that in Austria Schnapps is a generic term for any liquor. So when I asked for Schnapps – in my very best German – I ended up in one of those dreadful conversations where I am made to look like a complete fool. Fortunately I am well accustomed to this and take it in my stride.

We eventually ended up with Austrian Schnapps – which is what I was looking for in the first place. I explained to the woman that I was not in fact an escapee from an asylum but was from Australia and lived just around the corner. She warmed up considerably and has decided to allow me back into the bar if I don’t attempt to further mutilate the German language.

I have downloaded an iPhone application to translate German words and phrases. Now when I am out and about I can punch in a German word and get a result immediately. This is greatly enhancing my knowledge but I have such a long way to go that it is depressing. I know that I will just have to keep plugging away and that one day I will be able to pick up a newspaper in German and read it. Some of the pronunciations are really quite surprising and there are many strange variations and aberrations. All of these should guarantee that I will always speak German like a half wit with a golf ball in his mouth.

The Air Con man arrived today and after some investigation pronounced the system kaputt! It will need some extensive work and this will involve quotes being prepared, the approval of the landlord being obtained, parts being requisitioned, a team of experts being flown from Germany and a major job of logistics and coordination. Who knows how many forms will need to be completed before anything can happen so we are not planning on having heating any time soon.

You will have realized by now that we are made of stern stuff and having survived everything that Australia can throw at us including droughts, bushfires, Irukandji, Crocodiles, Redback Spiders, Tiger Snakes, John Howard and Brendan Nelson we are not about to be daunted by a minor setback like this.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Wien is swarming with pigs

Hundertwasser House

Melissa is back in Paris with Merlin and Henri. She will probably have nightmares about meat for the next few months while she recovers from the recent Fleischfest in Wien.

Gwen has arrived and we have warned Muffin that she is not a cat lover. Muffin usually ignores this type of advice but is steering well clear of Gwen. I think she is just out of sorts about Bill but is possibly worried about what Gwen keeps in her gigantic suitcase.

Wien is now swarming with pigs of all sizes. These are apparently lucky charms and I am not sure whether you give them to people for luck or buy them yourself. I will make further enquiries. The pigs were certainly out of luck in Am Heumarkt over Christmas.

We went to Hundertwasser house which is a truly astonishing sight quite near to us in Landstrasse. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedensreich_Hundertwasser

We also went to Mauthausen Concentration Camp which is about 160 kilometers from Wien and is a very scary place indeed. It was bitterly cold and it is not hard to imagine what it was like there during the war.

I have just finished reading Armageddon by Max Hastings. This is the best book I have read about the last year of the war in Europe and gave me a lot of very interesting information. I am trying to find stuff about Austria - and Wien in particular - but of course it is all in German so I have a lot of work to do.

I may have been a bit hard on The Third Man. I will have another look.

There were a few snowflakes over Christmas and while we were driving but nothing to shout about yet. Today it got down to about -4 when we went to the Flughafen to pick Gwen up and we were glad to get back home to a fire.

The Air Conditioning people were supposed to come today but missed the appointment (again). I am not sure what we need to do to get them to call - possibly I haven't filled in the right form or use the correct code word. I will keep plugging away until I hit on the right answer.

Rozalin has already made enquiries about the KAP but we are in the wrong season and may have to wait a few months.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Muffin needs some little friends


Muffin is lonely. She wanders around the house looking for Bill and waits next to the front door for him. Cate let her out and she went down three flights of stairs before being herded back inside.

We have decided that she must have some feline company so are embarking on a Kitten Acquisition Program (KAP) which will be put into effect soon. When Cate goes back to work she will consult Rozalin who, amongst many other things, is an expert on acquiring cats in Wien.

Rozalin is also in the market for a kitten and is planning on acquiring one in March when she gets back from her honeymoon. Yes – I know she is already married but she has been busy getting some new tattoos and didn’t have time for a honeymoon.

The Goose was a spectacular success – as indeed were the Pork and Turkey. Cate cooked dinners on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and demonstrated her stunning culinary skills. Her Date and Red Wine sauce was a triumph – as were the Brussels Sprouts.

The only recipe we could find was one of Gordon Ramsay’s so we both used a lot very bad language and cheated on each other while we cooked – and it seemed to work.

Of course we had much more meat than we could possibly eat so the fridge is still stuffed full and we will have our Semmels with cold meat for the rest of the week.

Melissa didn’t help much as we couldn’t make the Goose and Turkey look like Gummy Bears so she had to focus on the vegetables.

We went out a few times but our movements were restricted because Melissa feels the cold and turns blue fairly quickly. We bought her some leather gloves in the Wollzeile and these helped a bit but we couldn’t find any nose muffs so that part of her anatomy remained unprotected.

We did visit the Kaisergruft in the Capuchin Church. All the Hapsburgs are interred there in metal coffins – some of them astonishingly elaborate. These cheered up Melissa immensely because she likes nothing better than a really good graveyard.

We took Billy Benz for a gallop. He is a joy to drive and has a terrific navigation system. They were able to provide me with a manual in English so I will be able to work out what most of the buttons and gadgets are for.

We watched ‘The Third Man’ which is an unremarkable film except for the fact that it is set in Wien just after the end of the war - so we could point to places we recognise. I am not sure what the fuss is about and probably should watch it again to make sure I haven’t missed anything.