I suspect romantic troubles

Time for a kitten photo

The new dog-proof tree protection system worked. Georgia has looked at it and sniffed it but has not attempted to tear it apart. I am not ready to proclaim success - as she is capable of many devious things – but I have hope.

We have done no cycling for the last week or so because it is so damn hot. According to the news we have had more consecutive days over 90° than we have had since 1912. But the trees think fall is here and are turning – so they must know something.

I have been so hot that I have been thinking about becoming a Republican so that I don’t have to worry about the climate.

We have found a big park for Georgia to play in. It is at the Indianapolis Humane Society and Georgia can run around and play with other dogs. She is very happy about this – and so are we because it exhausts her and she sleeps a lot more.

She has met some dogs – all bigger than her – and has had an enormous amount of fun. She has such fun with other dogs that we thought we may get her a friend. (Joke).

I went to the dermatologist today and this is quite a process. When you get there on time you fill out the same forms that you have filled out every time you go there – and answer the same questions you have answered many, many times before.

You then sit in the waiting room for about half an hour and read about all the famous people who are doing famous things. It does not worry me that I do not know most of the people who are famous because I understand that in America you can become famous overnight and vanish just as quickly.

I did read on the front page of The Enquirer last week – while waiting in the line at Marsh - that the Queen has confessed that she asked Prince Charles to murder Diana. I suspect he did this by disguising himself as the chauffeur driver and driving into the pole at 100 miles per hour. I have always suspected him.

You can also think about why– if you go there at 8:45 – the doctor can already be running half an hour late. Then the nurse collects you and takes you into a small room where she asks you all the questions you just answered on the sheet of paper you were handed when you came in.

Then she goes and you sit there for 15 minutes until a doctor comes in. This is not the real dermatologist – this is the assistant dermatologist – who examines you and asks many questions.

After another 15 minutes the real dermatologist arrives. She is called Dr. Klenk and seems pleased to see you – probably because of the amount you pay her each time you visit.  She is the one who squirts you with icy cold stuff that freezes off problem spots.

The dermatologist duo was concerned about the wounds on my nose and arms but I told them it was just my dog - who likes biting me even more than digging holes in the garden.

After this I went to get my license renewed. I was expecting the worst but when I gave the young lady my old license and my green card she was more than pleased to give me a new license.

Actually she was not pleased – she seem to be very unhappy. Nothing I said cheered her up.

I suspect romantic troubles and I think her boyfriend – or girlfriend – might be fooling around – but I did not broach the subject as I was keen to get out of there before they asked for more forms.

This was the first time I have been to the BMV and not had an excruciating experience.

But – I have bought a new car and will need to go back there this week to register it – so perhaps this will be like the old times.

I suspect a trap

So the pond rocks lasted not very long at all and are now scattered from here to Missouri. She ferreted  through them and dug an enormous hole which exposed the tree roots – which she then ate.

So the current score is Georgia 2 Badger 0

When Cate left yesterday she said ‘WE have to do something about this today’.

Meaning YOU have to do something about this today.

I had two mugs of my Fresh Market Cafe Noir while I pondered the problem and decided that much more extreme measures were required.

Beheading the dog has some merit but would not be popular so I went to Lowes to buy some poultry wire (chook wire in Australian). I cut a piece about 4 feet by 4 feet and then cut a hole for the tree trunk – and of course had to cut the entire thing down the middle so that it fitted around the tree.

I laid this out and surrounded it with plastic edging. I then filled the whole thing with about a ton of pond rocks and surrounded it with plastic edging. She has so far looked at this with some interest but has not attempted to dismantle it.

She may now move on to greener pastures and I will soon have to do the same thing to each and every tree and shrub in the garden.

Yesterday I went to my second session with my personal trainer – Erica. She lives in the same block which is just as well because I am not capable of walking very far after we have finished the session – and am completely useless the day after.

This is part of my plan to get fit and lose weight. I have a medicine ball and 10lb dumbbells which I play with every day.

She has a very small dog who licks my face when I am doing exercises on the floor. This is no problem because at home I have a very large dog who licks me and it is like being rubbed with a very wet sneaker.

It is outrageously hot here and I really hope this is the last of it. I am completely over summer and want fall and winter to envelope us so that I can sit in front of the fire with my menagerie.

Something weird is happening here as road crews have been out putting new asphalt on some of the worst parts of the cratered goat tracks that we call streets. This type of stuff rarely happens here and requires much more investigation.

I suspect a trap.

Le mode du jour

The X15

I lost Georgia’s Kong. The Kong is a rubber thingy that we stuff with peanut butter each night to keep her occupied while we eat. It keeps her busy for about half an hour. I simply cannot imagine what happened to it but I have ordered another one immediately as it is her favorite thing.

I suspect she took it outside and buried it but I cant find it.

He second favorite thing appears to be digging holes next to trees. These are  very large holes and expose the tree roots – which she eats. So I bought some round coconut fiber mats to put around the trees. I put one down and covered it with mulch.

As soon as she found it she tore it to pieces and scattered the tattered remains around the garden. My next trick was to buy bags of pond rocks and pile these around the main tree. This has slowed her down because she cannot easily dig through the rocks – but I think larger rocks may be necessary.

Cate keeps wringing her hands and saying that the dog will kill the trees. My jaundiced response is:

Who wanted a dog?

Did you know that dogs dig?

However as it turns out I am responsible for the digging and the stopping thereof so I have thrown myself into the task with my usual enthusiasm.

Anyway – about the webworms.

I could not interest the pest control people in webworms. We don’t do webworms he said. No I don’t know what you do with webworms he said.

So I bought some pruners on the end of a 14 foot stick and have managed to cut down all the webs except some which are very high indeed. I may have to buy a flamethrower – which fortunately I can buy on line.

I am thinking of the X15 because they say on their website:

“I’ve shot and fought around the world and I have to say, there’s nothing quite like launching napalm. It’s a must for your bucket list!”

I think this may become the mode du jour for dealing with problems which could only previously be solved with guns.