Whatever happened to just going out and buying a cat?

Muffin seems to have settled down after our trip away. She was a bit loopier than usual when we got back – and that is very loopy indeed.

We have shown her pictures of Moni and the babies but she is non committal about the impending adoptions.

Of course we still have to be inspected by the current owner to make sure we are suitable and we may require written references. She is going to inspect us and also our apartment – we will need to be on our best behaviour.

Whatever happened to just going out and buying a cat?

I will also have to try out the net which goes on the terrace to stop the cats from jumping off. Cate just can’t wait to see what this looks like.

I am using a new Dry Cleaner – which seems to be both cheaper and slower. When I dropped in the things on Monday morning they told me to come back on Thursday. Clearly they also send their things to be cleaned in Budapest, but unlike the other mob, they do not send them first class on Austrian Airlines.

After two weeks with the flu I am finally starting to feel better today. Thanks for all the cards and flowers – you have been great.

The World Ham Flinging Championships

When we checked in at CDG the friendly young lady at the Air France counter told us that one of our bags was overweight by 5 kilos and that we would have to pay an additional €60. To do this we needed to go to the Air France ticketing counter (way out there somewhere) and pay the money.

At the Air France counter they told us that it was an Austrian Airlines flight and that we would have to go to the Austrian Airlines ticketing counter.

Austrian Airlines told us that is was an Air France flight but that as Cate was a member of the AA ‘Frequent Flying Duckies’ – or something similar – we did not have to pay anything.

The young lady at Air France was so pleased to see us again and – as we had been instructed to do – we gave her the number of the person to ring at Austrian Airlines – which she did.

She then issued a new Boarding Pass, tore the old one into approximately 1,000 pieces and ate it.

I last saw her sliding down the baggage belt looking for our bags so she could redirect them to Ouagadougou.

All of this is a complete mystery to us. We booked through Austrian Airlines and there is a code share with Air France. Cate came on an AA flight, I came on an AF flight. Whichever one we speak to says it is not their flight. Cate could check in online and I could not. This mystery will never be solved.

I will investigate Fly Niki – he has a new baby – he may need the money.

There is no doubt in my mind that the French are the most stylish people in the world. But they hate seats. You just try to find anywhere to sit in a Metro station or at CDG and see what I mean.

In CDG 2D there is (outside the ‘France Café’), seating for a total of 8 people. This is not much when you usually have about 60,000 waiting to get through to the next pen and the staff barely have room to manoeuvre their cattle prods.

The average Metro station has seating for, usually, about 8 people. Some have no seats but have sort of shooting sticks you can lean against. Of course they are very stylish.

Vienna has passed Zurich to take the top spot as the world's city with the best quality of living, according to Mercer's 2009 Quality of Living Survey.

This does not surprise me. Vienna is not particularly exciting – but it sure is a nice place to live. Now if we could just do something about the smokers polluting the restaurants.

The French no longer smoke in restaurants but they still have other endearing qualities. It takes a special type of person to watch their dog drop a load onto the footpath and then walk away from it knowing that in about five minutes some poor sod will step in it.

I would fix this problem with a bevy of Gendarmes armed with flame throwers but perhaps I am just getting old and crotchety.

On our first night on the oldest restaurant in Paris Cate threw a full glass of Kir Royale at me. This unprovoked attacked left me rather damp and looking for revenge so I regret to report that I ate half a duck. The previous night I had also eaten half a duck. (Not the same duck – it was a different restaurant). This makes one full duck I have eaten in the last week. I am not proud of this but goodness me it was delicious.

I am not sure how I will explain this to the chaps in Stadtpark. Perhaps if I read them some excerpts from ‘On the Origin of Species’ they will start to get the picture and edge away from me.

The oldest restaurant in Paris was usually full of very old Americans. One couple looked like they retired in about 1950, spent the next 60 years in a retirement village and then one morning Chuck said to Mary-Lou ‘Hey Honey – I’ve got a great idea – after Pinochle today let’s go to Paris!’.

Chuck was really into it – and had ‘French at a Glance’ open at the table. Of course this was not really necessary as all of the waiters spoke English better than he did. So far he had learned ‘Tres Bon’ and used this a number of times.

Cate thinks the photos on yesterdays Blog were really awful. I have tried to do better today. I did take more than 300 so have many from which to choose.

The people at Spar were really pleased to see me and had erected a ‘Welcome Home Badger’ sign. No sorry – that was a dream I had. Actually they ignored me as they have done since I arrived – until they served me and then they made me as welcome as they usually do.

You would not think it was possible to fling ham – but it is. It makes a sort of a dull thwacking sound. I would have expected it to sort of flap as it went through the air but it clings together and more or less lands in the same place at the same time.

I suppose it depends upon how far you fling it but if they have World Ham Flinging Championships I will back Little Miss Sunshine at Spar as a certain medallist.

Sure there are few stray fragments that go into the atmosphere and probably at some stage will add to the degradation of the Ozone layer – but what the hell – when the Bees are gone so are we.

We have seen new pictures of Moni and her babies and hope to visit them real soon. There is a photo on the Blog.

Melissa has finished her novel. I am sure she won’t mind if I share a little bit with you – but I won’t give too much away.

Apparently some French sailors land on a deserted Pacific Island and discover that their nuclear tests in the 80s have turned a coconut into a giant and very hairy ape.

They take this creature back to Paris but it escapes and kidnaps Carla Bruni and climbs the Tour Eiffel. Nicolas Sarkozy tries to rescue his wife by offering the ape 365 different types of cheese but the ape dismembers him and eats him instead. The French go crazy with joy and elect the ape President.

I know it sounds familiar but Melissa says it is entirely original.

Cate is going to Korea and Thailand on Saturday but has been overcome with remorse and guilt and will now be back for my birthday. Rozalin has organised for us all (with Melissa) to go to a Champagne Bar somewhere in Wien. I have warned the Polizei.

John and Christine have some older friends coming to Paris in June and asked Melissa if she would spend a couple of hours with them ‘doing what she normally does’.

I imagine that this will be the first time this couple has ever got wasted and been banned from a bar in Montmartre – it should be quite an experience for them – and something they can talk to John and Christine about for years to come.

Happy Birthday David

It is David’s Birthday today and he is rapidly becoming a fossil. When you look at my photo son remember – one day you will look like this. Have a nice day – I am bringing something nice and stony home for your birthday (see below).

I am pleased to report that – now that I am back home – my USB Wireless Connection is working perfectly. Of course I had to reinstall it and tweak it for an hour or so. Apparently being asked to work in Paris was so offensive that it went into a catatonic state and lost all of its functionality.

This was entirely predictable and – had it worked in Paris I would have been amazed. Anyway – it was just too difficult to try to post a Blog on Thursday – so I didn’t.

Well, Melissa was right - there are no cats in la Cimetière de Montparnasse. I can’t blame the weather because it was warm and sunny. I don’t understand it at all.

However, we did see the graves of Simone de Beauvoir, Jean Paul Sartre and Serge Gainsborough and had a generally nice time. Melissa and I are happiest amongst the long dead.

People leave gifts on the graves – stones, used Metro tickets – the usual things you give loved ones – it’s quite touching really – it has given me some ideas for our trip back to Australia for catch up birthday presents.

There are also no Bees there – this is really starting to worry me.

Cate arrived home exhausted – but early - about 6:30. The conference had finished and she could finally relax. At the recommendation of the Lutetia Concierge we went to a Bistro called Le Petit Lutetia (no connection except that many moons ago it was the place where the staff of the people who stayed at the Lutetia ate).

It was very nice indeed and quite reasonably priced. I made a really, really stupid mistake and confused the wine with a main course and questioned the bill – confirming the waiters opinion that all tourists are cretins and should be treated accordingly (which of course he did).

‘Pwaah – zat is zee wine’ he sniffed loudly and flounced back to the only real (French) clients in the place.

We crept out into the night suitably chastened.

We intended to start early on Friday but Cate (as she always does) had to send ‘just a couple of emails’ so we got to breakfast just before closing (as we normally do –except when we miss it alltogether) and had the scrag end of everything.

Cate usually wanders around and looks at everything saying ‘There’s not much left is there’ and Moi in my usual helpful fashion respond with ‘well Dear.......we are very late’.

Cate has been just busting to go to the Musée du quai Branly so off we went. It was of course closed because it was a public holiday for May Day (it was shown as an ‘Exceptional Closure’). In Wien the sign would say ‘Closed as Usual’.

So we just walked around and took in the sights.

Paris is more expensive than Ljubljana – by a long, long way. We had two juices, two mineral waters and one coffee for €28.50. We topped this later with two mineral waters, two coffees and two cakes for €42.10. Of course this the Rive Gauche so you expect to pay more – but €6 for a coffee?

I took my obligatory pictures of the La Tour Eiffel and all the other things that we always take pictures of and these will appear on the Blog.

In the evening we went to A la Petite Chaise which is the oldest restaurant in Paris. It was founded in 1680. Some of the original customers were still eating there – including the oldest live couple I have ever seen sitting in a restaurant. The Patron was mashing their peas and feeding them with a spoon and pusher.

Cate had already been there with some of the people at the conference and was happy to return. We liked it so much we made a booking for Saturday night to go with Melissa and Henri.

On Saturday morning I did one of my favourites things and hung around Le Bon Marché Rive Gauche for two and a half hours while Cate shopped. I am not sure why I have to do this but it is one of Cate’s rules.

She shops and I have to wait nearby doing whatever. I normally loiter near the Lingerie section – it kills their sales for the day and makes me feel better that I was able to punish them in some small way – just for being there for Cate to shop at.

I did have a small brush with fame and saw (really close up) Arielle Dombasle http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arielle_Dombasle who I thought from her appearance must be in her 70s – but in fact is younger than I am. She needs to eat more – and with legs that thin Micro minis don’t work for me – but there is no point in asking me about fashion – I only know about Black T Shirts and Jeans.

Astonishingly enough (amazing coincidence follows) that evening I turned on the TV and there was Arielle being interviewed about her new album – the cover of which looks like it was designed by Jim Morrison on the day he died just after the last hit (see below).

Melissa assured us that there would be cats in Père Lachaise Cemetery – but alas the place was crawling with visitors and the cats had done the sensible thing and vanished for the day.

We did see many interesting graves, tombs and monuments and had a fleeting glimpse at Jim Morrison’s grave. There were many viewers.

It’s funny to think that if Jim hadn’t blown his brains and heart to smithereens with dope in Paris in 1971 he would probably now be just another ancient, drug-addled, pot-bellied, washed up pop singer. As it is he will probably be famous until his generation has all shuffled off the mortal coil. This is the only benefit of dying young.

There are no cats that we could see – but there were a few small and anxious Bees. I tried to get a picture of them but they didn’t stay still long enough.

There are, however, at least a zillion trillion gnats who bothered us all day. I ate quite a few but it made no difference.

I should mention that the Hotel Lutetia was a disappointment. The room was too hot and the bed was too short and the pigeons in the light well (well, actually it was a dark well) never stopped hooting or whatever it is the pigeons do.

I find it difficult to sleep in a bed where my feet hang over the edge unless I wedge my head against the top of the bed.

Muffin welcomed us back with an all night wailing and howling performance which was so bad that Cate had to lock her out of the bedroom. Apparently Janette had this problem with John just before the election. (I know – I'm sorry – but I just can’t let go it's just SO delicious).

Incidentally, the best song ever to be written about George and John is by Lily Allen and is at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ITZBBV8Syg