What's the matter with The Mummy?

Another very thirsty Koala

The local veterinary office rang me yesterday - apparently to check my contact details. The young lady asked me how Bill was going.

I said that as far as I was aware he was still dead – but as it was they who took the body away in a shoe box they would know best.

This put a dampener on the conversation for a while but the young lady cheered up immensely when I said we still had Muffin.

“Oh you have a new cat?” she said

I explained that Muffin was in fact a very old cat but that she hadn’t been to see the vet yet for a checkup – which would probably happen this week.

I did not attempt to explain the Kitten Acquisition Program.

She was really, really glad to finish the call and move on to the next client.

One of my Blog readers (I won’t’ mention his name) has questioned my taste in movies - in particular The Mummy.

In response I shall say only that all my pursuits cannot be cerebral. All of us need some form of escape from our otherwise crushing existence and mine is to sometimes watch escapist action movies of which the Mummy is an excellently example.

John Howard used to escape from his horrid existence by pretending to be the Prime Minister – for well over a century as I remember.

I have received from Joan (Cate’s Mother who is 90 in July) the Rooster Appliquéd Oven Mitts – and a fine example of post modern kitchen helper design they are too. I cannot imagine that Lizzie did not think that Cate would like them – they are adorable.

Unfortunately we have far too many oven mitts for the hooks in the kitchen so some of them will have to be stored temporarily.

I have been watching the World Ski Championships at Val d’Isere. Some of the skiers in the downhill reach speeds of 130 kilometers per hour. This is faster than I go on the A2 – and is a very scary speed indeed.

And when they fall over – as some of them do – they slide for a very, very long time – unless they are caught by the nets they have down the sides of the Piste. There was a skier yesterday who went into the nets so hard I thought they would never get him out.

(The people who rescue skiers probably practice in summer by cutting turtles out of fishing nets in the Maldives).

I can understand the downhill and the slalom - and the giant slalom – and why some skiers can be quicker than others.

But I do not understand jumping. They all travel the same distance down the ramp, they all take off at the same time and they all look like geese coming in for a landing - and they all use a Telemark landing. But some jumpers are simply so much better than the others - by many metres.

Perhaps someone can tell me why? If I see Wolfgang Loitzl at the Billabong I will ask him. ‘Wuff’ as we call him here is one of our best!

Incidentally – Austria is in 3rd position on the medal table with 3 medals. The Germans have none (giggle).

I have booked my tickets for Paris and have a booked a hotel very close to Melissa. I have talked to them and they have promised me that they will turn my straw down at night and put a chocolate on it.

I just discovered that Annie has been making comments on my Flickr photos. I of course am too lazy to actually add descriptions so she has been doing it for me. Keep up the good work Annie – as far as I can see you have so far done only 5 out of more than 2,000 so you have a way to go.

Craig skis and fixes teeth

This is Ben the Bear. Ben goes everywhere with Cate if she travels without me (and everywhere with me if I travel without Cate).

He has circumnavigated the globe many, many times and is (as far as we know) the most travelled bear in the world.

(Apart, of course, from Alexander Downer)

This is Ben who Waves. Ben has two brothers, Ben with the Wonky Ear and Ben (yes just Ben).

The three Bens were given to more than 20 years ago by Susie (who may still have Ben with the Wonky ear).

Ben (just Ben) lives in Richmond in the UK just near the river with his Aunty Ally and her son Robin.

We hope to organise a reunion one day.

Ben travels everywhere with Cate and sits on her pillow in the hotels where she stays. When the staff at the hotel have made the bed they always prop Ben up on the pillow – and sometimes they give him a chocolate to hold.

(Cate stays in the sorts of hotels where they turn your bed down and put chocolates on your pillows. The hotels I stay in have straw on the floor).

Travelling with Ben has never been a problem until the last trip Cate did to Hong Kong when a teleconference Cate and her boss were doing in a conference room did not work and they both had to go back to Cate’s room to complete the call.

Cate’s boss Dave looked at Ben carefully and said not a word – and has never mentioned the incident since.

We went to Da Capo in Schulerstrasse where I had one of the best meals I have had in Wien. Cate thought it was just OK. But she said to me that she doesn’t really like any restaurants in Austria.

This is a big call because we have been to less than 0. 01% of all restaurants in Austria - but perhaps she was just feeling a bit fragile in advance of her trip to Moscow.

The best dentist in Australia (and possibly the Universe ) is Craig Calleia who has a surgery out west in Sydney. Every time he gets too many clients he moves further away – but they follow him anyway because he is so good.

Craig is so good he doesn’t need X-rays – he can commune with teeth through a mystical process. He says things like ‘I have a funny feeling about the fourth bisected upper incisor’ and then he fiddles around and finds (Shriek!) Decay – and has to winkle it out.

Craig is to teeth what Cate Blanchett and Sean Penn are to acting.

I mention this because when we go back to Sydney in July we will both have to see Craig for checkups. He has probably moved to Marble Bar by now to get away from his patients - but we will go there because we love our teeth and we love Craig.

Craig skis and would love it here because they do almost nothing else. He is (ahem) very solidly built and could probably survive most collisions (unless it was with a sled).

Cate is now in Moscow with Ben who Waves – prancing about in her Anna Karenina coat (but without the Dead Rabbit Hat). She is back at the end of the week for a few days and then goes to Zambia. Zambia?

Quolly sent me a story about a man named Gordon in Darwin who had his arm amputated after he was bitten by a King Brown snake.

He picked it up at the side of the road and it bit him (well it would wouldn’t it) and he put it in a bag.

He then – to use his own words ‘for some stupid reason put his hand in the bag’. Whereupon the King Brown – which was clearly not having a good day – bit him another eight times – yes that’s right – 8!

I wonder what was going through Gordon’s tiny little mind while Brownie was fanging away in the bag?

Oh it’s bitten me again, and again, and again – I wonder if I should take my hand out of the bag – oh there it goes again, and again – I really should take my hand out now – oh damn it’s bitten me again – and again – well I’ve had enough of this I’m definitely taking my hand out now – oh it has bitten me again!

In mitigation of his colossal stupidity Gordon says that he was drunk at the time.

To keep him alive while they were on their way to hospital his mate hit him on the head (no, not with the snake) and poured beer on him.

I reckon Gordon should have a go at skiing.

Anyone for a Bonspiel?

I have finally been able to get Gaggia to make drinkable coffee. I had forgotten the art of making coffee on a ‘real’ espresso machine so it took a while for me to get the hang of it again. Gaggia didn’t help much and its heart is just not in it.

I say ‘real’ espresso machines but these days there are very few places where the skills of a Barista are needed. It is usually a case of sticking a cup under a spout and pressing a button.

We have had a narrow escape here as apparently none of the 13 Starbucks outlets in Wien will have to close because of the problems the company is experiencing globally.

Good news indeed for those who like Starbucks coffee. I have never met anyone who does – but they must be out there somewhere.

For the last word on this see Lewis Black on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9iMgSNrwv4

So I decided to go to Massimo to have a coffee. Massimo has been closed since Christmas because the owner apparently needed a long holiday. It must be hell serving 10 customers a day and he no doubted needed complete rest.

Well – he has obviously still not recovered because there is a note on the door saying he is not coming back until mid February. This is one plumb tuckered out dude. When he gets back I may pop in during the day to give him a hand so that he doesn’t have a complete breakdown.

Cate thinks that Muffin needs some recreation so gives her little cloth mice to play with – and throws them around the room for her. Cate does not think that her responsibilities extend to picking up the mice before we go to bed.

That is apparently my job and at 3:30, 4:30 and sometimes 5:30 you will find me somewhere in the house on my hands and knees looking for the missing mice so that Muffin will stop batting them around the floor and then picking them up and carrying them around - yowling pitifully while Cate shouts ‘For God’s Sake Muffin!’

Muffin has also started her ‘Muffin da Gama’ routine again - where she wakes up very, very early and starts circumnavigating the bed. She has on occasion been evicted for this offence as it is very wearing on everyone except Muffin who can sleep all day.

I am thinking of tying her to the Sub Woofer and playing Rammstein all day so that she will be exhausted and will sleep at night

Cate and I rode around the city on the weekend and stopped to look at the ice skating rink outside the Rathaus. The blurb says that it is the biggest outdoor ice skating rink in Europe and includes ‘a romantic skating trail 415 metres long’.

How romantic can a 415 metre stretch of ice being shared with 12,000 people be?

It also features some curling rinks. Curling is certainly a weird sport. I understand the concept of the Bonspiel but the people rushing along the Sheet brushing in front of the stone is just plain weird.

It is like lawn bowls with people running in front of the bowl with lawn mowers. Makes no sense to me – but then very few things do.

And where is Quolly - haven't heard from her for months?