Oh say can you see

Things are moving at a rapid pace here.

I have decided to go to Paris in March to see my daughter and two of my grandchildren. The others are in Australia and I shall go there soon.

We have also decided that we should go to Las Vegas for my birthday.

Naturally I booked Paris first and then booked Las Vegas for basically the same dates. 

This is an uncanny knack I have had for many years. I have brutally murdered a number of bookings over the years because I book flights to leave places before we get there - and stuff like that.

Nowadays I always pay extra so that I can cancel flights and hotels without any problems because I just know that when I make a booking I am going to have to change it.

When I am in the process of booking it all seems perfectly sensible and logical but days later when I check it…..well.

We have decided to go to Las Vegas because we think it is one of those places that just has to be seen. I think it will be execrable -  because we hate all the glitz and the glamor and the gambling but we will certainly have lots of fun. But there are some good restaurants. 

We are staying in the Venetian resort which has its own canal with gondolas and men in striped shirts who sing opera. Can’t wait for that. I may sing along. 

And incidentally in Indianapolis we also have a canal with gondolas where men in striped shirts sing opera. This is very weird but you get accustomed to it after a while and given that most people in the mid west have never traveled further than the next state -  for them it is probably quite exotic.

And we are going to see Cirque de Soleil. This was a bit doubtful at first but I spoke to the bank manager and she has given us a second mortgage. 

I am looking forward to Paris. I love Paris. I have been there a lot - maybe 50 times - and am always captivated by the city. It has changed a lot since I first started going there in the 70s and it never ceases to amaze me. 

It also gives me a chance to boot my once fluent French into life. I once worked for  French bank and spoke really good French. Nowadays I start speaking in French and people interrupt me and say - ‘Would you like to speak English’. 

For which the only appropriate response is ‘Fuck you - you cheese eating surrender monkey’ but of course I just fall in line.

But I am tough. I live in America where the president is a lunatic. I can cope with anything you throw at me.  

Cate and I spoke last year about the possibility of us staying in America when she retired. 

HA HA HA HA HA

We need to get out of here as soon as possible and now all we talk about is how soon we can leave. 

This blithering orange idiot is going to do so much damage that it may take this country 50 years to recover from the devastation he has planned with his willing compatriots. 

In centuries to come they will talk about ‘Putin’s puppet’ and the destruction he wreaked upon the home of the brave and the land of the fucked. 

This is America!

I forgot to tell you about how excited I am about Beyonce being pregnant. 

Fuck me dead this is such fantastic news. 

The people starving to death in Africa and the Syrians being slaughtered in their thousands rise as one and say how excited they are about this truly phenomenal event. 

And twins! Holy shit - this is truly a miraculous intervention by the one who loves us and guides us all. Who else would give us so much joy in the face of the excrescence of the toxic presidency. 

Clearly this is God's work. 

Sure he fucked up badly with DJT but he is making amends with this sensational life giving experience. Do not knock this. This is his gift to you. 

Now B has 86 million followers on twitter. This is one off the scariest numbers you will ever see - and gives you a pretty good idea why Trump is President. But you need to suck it up. It is what it is. 

This is America. Rubbish reigns. Good Luck!

It would turn out just fine

Now you would have read or heard that President Trump spoke to Australian Prime Minister Turnbull and effectively bit his head off before hanging up.

But if you are not Australian you may not be aware of the refugee deal which Mr Turnbull and President  Obama agreed upon - and why it is happening. 

It goes like this:

Many refugees from Iran and other places have risked their lives to travel to Australia on boats. This has been facilitated by people smugglers who charge enormous sums of money to put people on leaky boats with a promise that they will get sanctuary in Australia.

Many of them drown - but some get through. 

Australia has decided that it does not want people arriving this way so instead of accepting them and processing their refugee applications in Australia it has set up gulags in places like Nauru and Manus Island. 

The purpose of this is to discourage people from attempting to find refuge in Australia.

The gulags are hell holes. They are tent cities set up in some of the hottest places on earth. They are run by private companies whose only interest is to make a profit. 

There are rapes and murders and bashings and self-mutilations and psychological problems in spades. 

Children are going crazy in these places because they are confined there permanently. These children will be damaged permanently. 

There is anger and frustration and hopelessness. These people are refugees for fucks sake and they are being treated much worse than murderers. 

These places are so bad that the government:

1: Sent big teams of medics, psychiatrists and social workers to help with the problems: or

2. Passed legislation that anyone who talked about the problems in these camps would go to gaol for two years.

Yes the correct answer is 2. 

The government has said that anyone who try to enter Australia ‘illegally’ will never be admitted. Let us pass over the fact that by definition a refugee cannot be ‘illegal’. 

Hence the deal between Mr Turnbull and President Obama. You take our ‘illegals’ and we will do something for you(we do know yet what it is). 

President Trump has probably said what a stupid idea. I don't even want my refugees let alone yours. 

Me? 

I am ashamed of my government for what it has done. I never talk about this because it cannot be defended. It is a horrendous stain on the   character of Australia which is a nation founded and sustained by immigration.  

If I had my way I would put all of the politicians in gulags and make the refugees politicians. I am sure it would turn out fine.